"I want POO!" - Uncle Sam

Location: My apartment

My roommate Katie was throwing a birthday party and it happened to be the day before my favorite holiday - Independence Day! Thus, a party-going, excrement-demanding Uncle Sam inspired toilet seemed appropriate.

I'm on Team Van Helsing

Sorry for the delay in the latest and greatest of the toilet decorations. There were some technical difficulties with the camera so pictures from my phone will do for now. Things have been hectic - San Francisco wedding, San Diego, Canadian visitor, apartment-shopping, working 7 days a week. But despite all that, I still had time to do two decorations that, at the time, were more relevant to current events but are now old news. Here they are anyway...





Location: My bathroom at home in San Diego (Mama Kiang was not pleased and further elaborations to the decor were quelled by the look only mothers can do).

I did this one the night The Twilight Saga: Eclipse came out. Yes, I'll admit it, I read the books. And I even watched the first movie at home with my best gal pal Jessica eating raw cookie dough and having a sleepover. But quite frankly, Edward's "jaws" and Jacob's fur belong in the toilet more than they do on.

Team Van Helsing for the win.

Four the Win

That's right... FOUR toilet decorations all in a row.

"Damn the Torpedoes! Full Speed Ahead" - Admiral David Glasgow Farragut



*This came from a submarine idea but I though the concept of a periscope was more fun. Could have gone in a lot of directions (Don't Ask, Don't Tell, "I'm 'Scoping You Out" - Katie), but I kind of felt like going for the historical context.

"I'm Tired of Your Shit!"


*Yes, that is a bit of "drool" on the edge of the toilet seat. Don't pretend you've never fallen asleep and woken up in a small puddle of saliva.

"I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie..." - Sir Mix-A-Lot



*"You other brothers can't deny..."

Louis Poo-tton:



*Stylized after Louis Vuitton and a part of the original idea behind Potty Humour (read on for more).



Location: 35 West 4th Street (aka the Steinhardt Building) in the depressing stairwell bathroom before the 2nd floor.

This bathroom was one of the bathrooms that inspired my original idea: spray
paint toilets with luxury brand name logos like Louis Vuitton.
As you can see, that idea didn't come to fruition because:
1. That's vandalism and property damage
2. I would really resent the idea of my tuition money going towards toilet seats because I thought it'd be funny.
(Though thanks for the advice on how to, Bryce)

It's a pretty sad bathroom. The stalls are thickly painted green, poor lighting, and in a stairwell. But it gets pretty steady foot traffic since its on the way to the ITS Computer Lab and since I'll be on hiatus until at least July 2nd, I thought I'd go ahead and just decorate all 4 of the toilets in the bathroom instead of just one.

Hope you enjoy!

HOLY SHIT!

Location:

For those of you who don't know, Washington Square Park has been under construction for the last few years but is the site where portions of I Am Legend and When Harry Met Sally was filmed along with an array of other films. It is also the supposed center of New York University's campus and upon graduating, it's a tradition for students to hop in the fountain. Also, a lot of drug dealers at night, musicians on nice days, and squirrels all the time. If you ever come to visit this area, I highly suggest Mamoun's Falafel, The Creperie, and Bleecker Street Pizza.

Also, in case you couldn't tell from the angle of the picture (its pretty difficult to keep the door open with one hand and take a straight picture with the other), that would be my interpretation of a pope hat, more formally known as the "papal tiara" and some bling.

I realize that this post may be insulting to some, so I figure this is as good of a time as any to post Potty Humour's disclaimer and warning:
Potty Humour is getting an opinion! It's fleeting, it'll come and go in light of current events and hot topics, but in no way is Potty Humour meant to be derogatory to the individual. The opinions expressed by these porcelain seats are not necessarily the opinions of the toilet decorator.

Readers are more than welcome to submit non-threatening, respectful comments which will be up to the toilet decorator's discretion to erase if they are offensive and deprecatory.

Special thanks to Lauren for helping me with the dilemma of whether or not to give toilets an opinion.

The story of the idea behind Potty Humour's coming up next so stay tuned!

Poo-Nuts

Location: Herald Square (34th and 6th Ave)

This one goes out to Drew. It's beginning to sink in that this probably should have been a Mr. Peanuts (Mr. Poonuts) potty but we'll get to that one eventually and for those of you that don't know the story, you're not really missing out. And yes, I know that "Poop-y" the dog would have a nice ring to it, but it's a little too obvious don't you think? Plus, what a boring toilet. Plenty of time either way.

Anyway, this bathroom was pretty magical but had a 15-minute time limit on it. It was also the most incredible toilet seat I've ever seen in my life and if any of you have ever sat on a heated bidet, you'd know that that's saying something.

Back to this amazing toilet, it's a public restroom in the middle of Herald Square right outside of Macy's, which boasts the claim of "World's Largest Store" title and the lesser known silver medal for the "Worst Place in NYC" Award (Gold goes to Times Square). I couldn't find my tape, hence the sketchy job but it wouldn't have even mattered anyway because this toilet had an automatic sanitary seat cover dispenser! You wave your hand in front of the sensor and it actually disposed of the old one and replaced it with a shiny new plastic one! Not to mention the real flowers hanging on the wall and the mosaic tiled ceiling. AMAZING!





Honestly, I was too dumbstruck by the toilet to really mind that my work would last about... 15 minutes. Plus, these are all pretty temporary anyway. Here's the opening sequence and theme song to "A Boy Named Charlie Brown" for a touch of nostalgia.

Also, it should be known that I initially tried to do this in on the 2nd floor of Macy's but saw the woman with who's entire job was cleaning up the bathroom after each person and yelling "NEXT!" to the humongous line of women waiting to pee, and just couldn't justify giving her even the tiniest bit more work to do.


Charlie Brown Quotes by Charles Schulz to finish it off...
"I've developed a new philosophy . . . I only dread one day at a time."
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, 'Why me?', then a voice answers 'Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.'"
"There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters... I could be their leader."

In other news....
Potty Humour has had its first comment! You don't need to have an account or login in or anything to comment to please feel free to! Ideas are more than welcome and if you'd like, can be sent to pottyhumour@gmail.com. Don't forget to follow @PottyHumour on Twitter too!

Don't Worry, God is ALWAYS Watching

Dear Stranger in the Neighboring Bathroom Stall,
Sorry for making you so uncomfortable that you were only able to pee while I was decorating for 10 minutes, but you could have done your business and come out. I wouldn't have judged you for tinkling (or whatever else you needed to do). Besides, don't you know that God is watching you anyway?

Good luck with your potty issues.

Love,
The Toilet Decorator



Location: 2nd Floor of NYU's Kimmel Center

As someone who goes to the bathroom pretty regularly (for necessary purposes and for decorating), I really enjoy the taboo around essential human excretion and thus, quite enjoyed this strange encounter (or perhaps the lack of). The lightning bolt is over the sensor, though God somehow still got the toilet to flush while I was getting my decor on and I swear the lights dimmed as I was putting up the sign.

For nervous potty-goers as the stranger I freaked out today, seriously, don't worry, God is always watching.


Thanks to Katie and Burke for design contributions. Feel free to contribute! Unhelpful criticisms go in the "Suggestion Box" (and yes, I did just cite myself).

Spoiler Alert: Harry Potty defeats You-Know-Poo

It's shameless self-promotion, I know. But wouldn't you love to go to the bathroom at a party and be greeted by this?



Location: Good Kyle's bathroom

Today I had the pleasure of decorating a friend's toilet before a house-warming party.

I'll admit, it was a spur of the moment decision to do it this evening, I didn't put a whole lot of extra thought into it, and I brought my DSLR but it was out of battery hence the shoddy cell phone quality, but I hope the adaption of "Stupefy" to "Poop-efy" and the "wand" taped to the flusher will redeem me a little bit.

I'm a huge Harry Potter fan myself and will more than likely return to this idea more than once just for fun. Though personally, I've always had a crush on the Weasley twins - who, by the way, exist in real life but are professional hockey players by the name of the Daniel and Henrik Sedin.

Dedicated to all of my fellow Harry Potter fans - in particular, Burke, Gary, Seikk, Blackburn, Connor, and Josie.

Nitwit! Oddment! Blubber! Tweak!

You Think YOUR Job Is Shitty?!

Location: McDonald's on 6th Ave and 4th St

I know it doesn't make sense that the tie is below the shirt pocket but I'm working with toilets here, people. They can be such divas.

The Suggestion Box

Location: Starbucks (because they're just public bathrooms that serve coffee, anyway)


For those of you who are interested in great coffee in New York City and have time, I'd try these spots - especially Birch. Great coffee, awesome tea, a pleasant sitting area, fantastic service, and it sometimes serves as a venue for local artists and comedians. Best yet, they deliver a mean grilled cheese - what more could you ask for?

A bonus picture for the long weekend:


I thought this was funny considering DuChamp's more famous works including a urinal called "The Fountain." Happy Memorial Day!

Ass Kisser

Location: Hudson River public bathroom off of Christopher Street

Let me just say, decorating public bathrooms is not easy. It takes a significant amount of planning ahead and even then, you never know what you're going to end up with. In this situation, I was cramped in a stall with people attempting to hotbox the entire bathroom on the other side of the panel and transsexual hookers yelling into the bathroom and at passerby outside ("Dammnnnn it smells gooood in there. Oh hey baby, look at that fiiiine thing"). I have no doubt that Christopher Street will inevitably be the reason I use the "bear repellent" I keep on my key chain for the first time ever.

Also, I discovered that the automatic flush is my worst enemy. This toilet flushed vehemently and in a manner that caused a lot of splashing onto the seat. Thus, I had to try and dodge the sensor while decorating and even then, it flushed about 5 times during the few minutes I was in there - and yet for some reason, there is still toilet paper in the bowl - no idea where that came from.

Argh, Matey! Let Me See Your Booty!

Dissatisfied with my initial debut, Burke more or less demanded I make some changes (he's sooo high maintenance). Thankfully, it was in my own apartment (as opposed to a public place as the next ones will be) so editing it was actually a possibility. I tried a goatee and a beard but both looked gross. Still, it looks better than before (Thanks, Burke).

Before:


After:



Yes, that is a parrot on my toilet's shoulder and yes, he has a hook for a flusher, a hoop earring, and yes, he really does want to see your booty even when nobody else does, the scoundrel.

Location: My Apartment
(As my first, official toilet decoration, I felt it was appropriate to do it in my own apartment for the enjoyment of me & my roommates. Selfish? Maybe a little.)

Special thanks to Burke, Katie, and Spencer for putting up with all my toilet-talk and giving me some great ideas. And thanks, Sarah Louisa for letting me use your camera!

Welcome to Potty Humour!

Potty Humour is a blog that centers around decorating random, and yes, public toilets with paper and then sharing my excursions with you.

I already have an extensive list of prospective toilet decor currently in the works (much thanks to my friends) and will update as often as possible. If you have any ideas, comments, or suggestions, email me at pottyhumour@gmail.com. Thanks for plopping by!



Location: My Apartment